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Literature by newsiesfanforever

literature by meringue-in-a-tux


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Submitted on
June 22, 2013
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    i.


The media doesn’t support a positive body image
because it’s not good for business.

They want us anxious and afraid
of seeing the numbers on a scale go up.
We’re not worth our weight in gold.
It’s what we don’t weigh
that matters.

My first boyfriend, who panicked when I touched him
would say “I’m fat”
the way somebody says “I should have never been born.”

They want us spending our money
on designer jeans, instead of groceries,
on concealer and diet plans, instead of an education.

Please don’t starve yourself.
Believe me, I’ve tried
and your body will start to eat itself from the inside out and
if you let it
it’ll get to some valuable stuff.

See,
they’ll only appreciate your body when it’s a corpse.

They won’t notice you
until there’s nothing to be noticed
they’ll mourn and wish for something
that is no longer
there.


    ii.


In the second grade, I learned that
semi-colons
mark where a sentence could have ended, but didn’t.

If I could,
I’d draw them all over my body -
my wrists, because I could have taken my life last year
but didn’t;
my thighs, because I could have lost my virginity to a stranger
but didn’t;
my eyes, for every day I could have cried
but didn’t.

The only place I can’t mark
is my heart
because I could have lost it to you, and all the love in it

And I did.


    iii.


See,
I think we need to pay that $50 to risk our lives on roller coasters,
because somewhere along the way
we betrayed ourselves, by assuming we know what’s coming next
at each bend in the road.

I can’t count off of both hands and feet how many times a teacher has asked me
“How are you feeling?”
with a book braced to their chest
like I’m rigged to explode.

I made the mistake of letting it slip that I’m bipolar -
and it terrifies them, because I go
where they can never follow.

I’m not part of the plan

and isn’t that kind of the point?


    iv.


No,
you don’t have to love your parents because they gave you life
just like a dog should have to love its owners because they kept it alive.

What they gave you was food and a roof over your head,
but growing up
you always felt like something was missing.

Because parenting, it’s a tough job
and some parents
mess up
and it’s okay to be angry
even if it isn’t their fault.

Don’t let anybody ever tell you
you’re wrong
because all those rebellious teenagers
you see
on TV and in books

the ones the audience hate
even if some of the things
those boys and girl do and say
actually make a little sense
(not that you'd ever say that)

They’re the ones
modeled after you
modeled after the side of themselves
the adults hid
long ago
because somebody told them it wasn't "normal"
to try and be selfish
even if nobody cares
even if being selfish
was the right thing to do.

Those boys and girls,
they "rebel"
because they know what it’s like
to be
hurt.


    v.


In high school I knew a girl who wore a piercing in her nose
and an engagement ring
from her 22 year old boyfriend
and fucked the hot Russian boy from math class for a year
so he would fall in love with her.

In high school I knew a boy who didn’t wear a shirt in Phys Ed
or a condom
if he got the chance
and knocked up that freshman with Down Syndrome, Annie,
because he lost a bet.

I’ve spent my entire life being controlled by my emotions
and it scares me
that there are people out there
worse than me
who don’t have

any.
Wrote this ages ago, as part of an experiment. Every day for five days (a school week,) I would make an observation and write a little vignette about it.

This is the result.

Edit: Thank you everybody who reviewed - especially those who pointed out the mistake I made in III. Gah, I thought I'd really nailed the editing in this one. :shakefish:
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:iconzomgmad:
zomgmad Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014  Hobbyist
Thank you. Part iv really hit home for me. Today was the first time I really opened up about my parent's hidden abuse towards me and also the first time someone understood what I was trying to say and didn't just respond with, 'but they're your parents,' like that's a get-out-of-jail-free card. I'm glad you can express this sort of thing so eloquently, because it really needs to be said. So, um, thanks.
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:iconnaktarra:
Naktarra Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2014   Writer
Hey, I'm Naktarra from :icongrammarnazicritiques: and I'm here to review your wonderful piece of work today. Ah, first off I'm going to say that out of the three pieces I've picked to critique for you, this one is my favourite by far. It's a wonderful thing to be in the observing world and see how people really look around at each other. 

This poem comes from what you see and what you hear to how exactly you have perceived the world and that is the beauty of the art that you are so capable of blossoming into a fine joy. 

One thing that really surprised me of this poem is how it's a month older than "you loved someone." I'm seeing a very sudden fluctuation in just how you write and in the observing world, I could imagine that your poetry is very--very heavily based on your already fore-seeing emotions.

Now, for this poem I'm not feeling like I'm going to go too much into specifics.

First, we have a poem with so many rights in it. "Pipe Dream," a poem that I take in respect for it's very open mindedness and originality. 

Second, we have "you loved someone," a long poem which -you yourself said it wasn't to the highest standard- had a few things with I would pertain just not having the right about of explanation on how each event in a short story is significant.

Third, we have this poem named "adults."

Here you have structured a beautiful poem in a very creative way. I give you full points for the creativity and I give you a massive thumbs up for how you show the reader how each day you're meeting a new story.

Personally, my favourite part  if this poem is 'ii.' where you have a vivid description of telling someone's tale through semi colons. It's not only a very creative thought, but in terms of the actual poem, it gives it a unique flow.

Madame, I pat you on the back as a poetry artist and I from what I read I encourage you do do whatever you want as you are a very well rounded person.

However, in terms of writing itself between the general area of your writing, I would look out for these main points:

  • When writing a story-like poem, you sometimes have to treat the people like it's prose. So plan it out like a story. I've heard you've been working on a novel, so I'm sure you know what I mean when I say avoid story clutter. Too much spice can ruin the turkey, right? 

Eg. The reader can only take so many new conflicts before the problems become irreverent.

  • When writing in poetry you can can be held back by balancing flow over detail. However, make sure that you find the significance in a specific thing if it's a major part of your poem. Say you have a main character, he needs to be a significant part of the story, right? He needs ti have a reason o be living and breathing and the reader should know why. Nothing big necessarily, but the character should be relatable, if good or bad.

  • I would say you're really good with avoiding spelling and grammatical errors. Whatever you're doing, keep it up. Your editing skills are a miracle work.

An idea for the future:

Perhaps you might want to experiment more with formatting with the future. Fonts, placing words in the centre, etc et etc. I think that might be something you might want to play with and try if you ever need something new to try. Presentation means a lot.

It was a pleasure reading your work! I leave you my dear with a watch and favourites and I am pleasured to have been a part of reviewing your poetry.
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:iconpereyga:
Pereyga Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very well done :)
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2013   Writer
Thank you very much.
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:iconpereyga:
Pereyga Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :)
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:iconkindcritc:
KindCritc Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ooo. This one's making my eyes water. Not gonna cry, not gonna cry...
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013   Writer
:iconsadhugplz:
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:iconscarrtts10:
scarrtts10 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The american populas is droned into thinking the human body is not a work of art, in which it is, no matter what size it is, or how "BIG" someone is, the true person of the heart is the one who matters most, and I am sure; Colbalt rain, you have a bautiful heart, dont ever think your looks are more important than that! Looks are so decieving and thats what most of mankind does; go by looks and not give it a second thought who is behind those looks, and what kind of person is she/him! Keep up the good work! 
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013   Writer
Thank you for that beautiful comment. :love:
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:iconminingfordegus:
MiningForDegus Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013

You are probably one of the only people who could make punctuation so important to a poem and make it fit in so well.

This whole poem is very well done, the wording is perfect, great job. And the ending, wow. It just drops on you. o.o

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