The media doesn’t support a positive body image
because it’s not good for business.
They want us anxious and afraid
of seeing the numbers on a scale go up.
We’re not worth our weight in gold.
It’s what we don’t weigh
My first boyfriend, who panicked when I touched him
would say “I’m fat”
the way somebody says “I should have never been born.”
They want us spending our money
on designer jeans, instead of groceries,
on concealer and diet plans, instead of an education.
Please don’t starve yourself.
Believe me, I’ve tried
and your body will start to eat itself from the inside out and
if you let it
it’ll get to some valuable stuff.
they’ll only appreciate your body when it’s a corpse.
They won’t notice you
until there’s nothing to be noticed
they’ll mourn and wish for something
that is no longer
In the second grade, I learned that
mark where a sentence could have ended, but didn’t.
If I could,
I’d draw them all over my body -
my wrists, because I could have taken my life last year
my thighs, because I could have lost my virginity to a stranger
my eyes, for every day I could have cried
The only place I can’t mark
is my heart
because I could have lost it to you, and all the love in it
And I did.
I think we need to pay that $50 to risk our lives on roller coasters,
because somewhere along the way
we betrayed ourselves, by assuming we know what’s coming next
at each bend in the road.
I can’t count off of both hands and feet how many times a teacher has asked me
“How are you feeling?”
with a book braced to their chest
like I’m rigged to explode.
I made the mistake of letting it slip that I’m bipolar -
and it terrifies them, because I go
where they can never follow.
I’m not part of the plan
and isn’t that kind of the point?
you don’t have to love your parents because they gave you life
just like a dog should have to love its owners because they kept it alive.
What they gave you was food and a roof over your head,
but growing up
you always felt like something was missing.
Because parenting, it’s a tough job
and some parents
and it’s okay to be angry
even if it isn’t their fault.
Don’t let anybody ever tell you
because all those rebellious teenagers
on TV and in books
the ones the audience hate
even if some of the things
those boys and girl do and say
actually make a little sense
(not that you'd ever say that)
They’re the ones
modeled after you
modeled after the side of themselves
the adults hid
to try and be selfish
even if nobody cares
even if being selfish
was the right thing to do.
Those boys and girls,
because they know what it’s like
In high school I knew a girl who wore a piercing in her nose
and an engagement ring
from her 22 year old boyfriend
and fucked the hot Russian boy from math class for a year
so he would fall in love with her.
In high school I knew a boy who didn’t wear a shirt in Phys Ed
or a condom
if he got the chance
and knocked up that freshman with Down Syndrome, Annie,
because he lost a bet.
I’ve spent my entire life being controlled by my emotions
and it scares me
that there are people out there
worse than me
who don’t have