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Devious Literature by Michel-le-fou

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June 20, 2012
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      For years, you used to ask me what you were to me. And I would always say, "Nothing," until you finally understood that there was nothing you could do that could ever hurt me.




before.

    When we were children, there were no monsters under your bed. Just dead frogs and lizards from the pond on your doorstep. You asked your sister, "Why do things die?" "Because death is a part of life," she told you with a loving hand in your hair and a calming hug waiting for you later. But her eyes pinned me over your shoulder. She never told you it was because Erik wouldn't stop killing them.


-

    Flowers die, too. So I flattened them in your schoolbooks for you to find. And you thought it was romantic. You showed them to your friends and told your sister you had a secret admirer. I often wondered how you would've felt if you saw their ashes blow away with the wind, when I later burned them out on the deck.


-

    It took you two years. You left a note in my locker junior year asking if I wanted to go out sometime and dotted the I's with hearts. The only reason I didn't spit in your face after I said yes was that I'd spit on your note earlier, before flushing it down the toilet.


-

    Your diary filled with your youth while I was tearing it from you. And when I found the diary in your dresser, I also tore every page where you'd marked my name. Where you dotted the I with a heart. I tore the real heart, too, until it was gone and you were nothing. Until you were exactly as pathetic as I said you were and you believed it.


-

    Your sister said that Erik was a compulsive liar. She said over so many cups of tea with lemon that I was no good and you needed forget about me. That summer, you forget about her instead.  And the night you got away, you hit back. You begged me to tell you I loved you, when the lights were out and you were harder to find. And when I wouldn't, you left me with a handprint on my face and the spine of an empty diary and you did not look back.


-

    A month later, I stopped looking into your bedroom window. I stopped trying to memorize the places on your body where my hands had bruised. I stopped trying to count the scars. A month after that, they found me wishing you had never stopped trying to count, either.


-

    The doctor asked you if Erik was sick. And you finally whispered, "Yes." You weren't weak enough to lie, like I was.


-

    When they finally let me go, only one flower was in the garden. A rose that dripped petals red like your blood. I pressed it into the final six pages of your diary and left it on your porch – to rot, like all the things I'd ever put there. I don't know why. It wasn't for anything at all, really. Not like the frogs and lizards from the pond. But just like you did with them, I watched you bury it in your front yard a week later.
      For years, you used to ask me what you were to me. And I would always say, "Nothing," until you finally understood that your sister was right. That I didn't know how to tell you the truth. And I never would.
and maybe, I deserved that.

The usual - insomnia begets late night vignettes, playing around with styles, Diet Coke can in hand. You know. I'm really starting to like this format.

As for summaries, all I can say is: things change, don't they?
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012
This makes me want to cry... so hard. Amazing, but oh so painful.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012   Writer
Thank you. <3
That means a lot coming from a talented writer like yourself.
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012
You're welcome. <3
Aww, I'm touched. Thanks a bunch, sweetie.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012   Writer
No problem. :]
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012
:hug:
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hi there! Just a note to let you know I've featured this piece in my journal :)
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012   Writer
:la: Thank you! Wow, I'm so honored. I really appreciate you picking me, that's so very kind of you.
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :heart:
Reply
:iconinsomniarose:
InsomniaRose Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012
I personally liked the blanks. They let your imagination wander to fill in the holes :D it was interesting.
And beautiful, as always :) I love your writing
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012   Writer
I was waiting until you'd get around to reading these. =P But once again, thanks so much, you're too sweet. I liked this style a lot, too.
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