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June 20, 2012
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      For years, you used to ask me what you were to me. And I would always say, "Nothing," until you finally understood that there was nothing you could do that could ever hurt me.




before.

    When we were children, there were no monsters under your bed. Just dead frogs and lizards from the pond on your doorstep. You asked your sister, "Why do things die?" "Because death is a part of life," she told you with a loving hand in your hair and a calming hug waiting for you later. But her eyes pinned me over your shoulder. She never told you it was because Erik wouldn't stop killing them.


-

    Flowers die, too. So I flattened them in your schoolbooks for you to find. And you thought it was romantic. You showed them to your friends and told your sister you had a secret admirer. I often wondered how you would've felt if you saw their ashes blow away with the wind, when I later burned them out on the deck.


-

    It took you two years. You left a note in my locker junior year asking if I wanted to go out sometime and dotted the I's with hearts. The only reason I didn't spit in your face after I said yes was that I'd spit on your note earlier, before flushing it down the toilet.


-

    Your diary filled with your youth while I was tearing it from you. And when I found the diary in your dresser, I also tore every page where you'd marked my name. Where you dotted the I with a heart. I tore the real heart, too, until it was gone and you were nothing. Until you were exactly as pathetic as I said you were and you believed it.


-

    Your sister said that Erik was a compulsive liar. She said over so many cups of tea with lemon that I was no good and you needed forget about me. That summer, you forget about her instead.  And the night you got away, you hit back. You begged me to tell you I loved you, when the lights were out and you were harder to find. And when I wouldn't, you left me with a handprint on my face and the spine of an empty diary and you did not look back.


-

    A month later, I stopped looking into your bedroom window. I stopped trying to memorize the places on your body where my hands had bruised. I stopped trying to count the scars. A month after that, they found me wishing you had never stopped trying to count, either.


-

    The doctor asked you if Erik was sick. And you finally whispered, "Yes." You weren't weak enough to lie, like I was.


-

    When they finally let me go, only one flower was in the garden. A rose that dripped petals red like your blood. I pressed it into the final six pages of your diary and left it on your porch – to rot, like all the things I'd ever put there. I don't know why. It wasn't for anything at all, really. Not like the frogs and lizards from the pond. But just like you did with them, I watched you bury it in your front yard a week later.
      For years, you used to ask me what you were to me. And I would always say, "Nothing," until you finally understood that your sister was right. That I didn't know how to tell you the truth. And I never would.
and maybe, I deserved that.

The usual - insomnia begets late night vignettes, playing around with styles, Diet Coke can in hand. You know. I'm really starting to like this format.

As for summaries, all I can say is: things change, don't they?
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012
This makes me want to cry... so hard. Amazing, but oh so painful.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012   Writer
Thank you. <3
That means a lot coming from a talented writer like yourself.
Reply
:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012
You're welcome. <3
Aww, I'm touched. Thanks a bunch, sweetie.
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012   Writer
No problem. :]
Reply
:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012
:hug:
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hi there! Just a note to let you know I've featured this piece in my journal :)
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012   Writer
:la: Thank you! Wow, I'm so honored. I really appreciate you picking me, that's so very kind of you.
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :heart:
Reply
:iconinsomniarose:
InsomniaRose Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012
I personally liked the blanks. They let your imagination wander to fill in the holes :D it was interesting.
And beautiful, as always :) I love your writing
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012   Writer
I was waiting until you'd get around to reading these. =P But once again, thanks so much, you're too sweet. I liked this style a lot, too.
Reply
:iconjuniorel:
juniorel Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Writer
This format is perfect, and your style is awesome! And this piece was crazy powerful. I loved it.
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012   Writer
I'm glad! Thank you. <3
Reply
:iconsugapieissofly:
SugapieIsSoFly Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012  Student Filmographer
Very different style from your usual poetry, but I liked the change. I think it was more vague but not too vague, which allowed the reader to grab some insight but left the reader curious for more.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012   Writer
Thanks, Mal. I...well, I liked the change, as well. Perhaps hinted by the vague title, haha. And yes, I left a lot of blanks for the reader to fill in. Seems like people enjoyed that, too. :D
Reply
:iconlycanthropeluvr:
Lycanthropeluvr Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This was well written. I enjoyed reading it. The different styles of each part coming together to tell a whole story was well done. Good job.
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012   Writer
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconlycanthropeluvr:
Lycanthropeluvr Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sure. :)
Reply
:iconjadzi22:
Jadzi22 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Wow
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:iconthepenvsthesword:
ThePenVsTheSword Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012  Student Writer
It was unusual, yet I found that I couldn't stop reading. I wasn't really sure what to expect once it reached the middle. I'm not even sure if I really liked it, but it was well written.
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Writer
Thank you - even though you might not have enjoyed it, I appreciate you saying it was well-written.
Reply
:iconthepenvsthesword:
ThePenVsTheSword Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome. I wouldn't say I didn't enjoy it. It did take hold of me while reading it.
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Writer
I'm certainly glad it did, then. And thank you again. :)
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:iconthepenvsthesword:
ThePenVsTheSword Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome again. ;)
Reply
:iconamh97:
amh97 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012
whoa...
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Writer
Good "whoa" or bad "whoa"? :pray:
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:iconamh97:
amh97 Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012
Very, very, good whoa.
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Writer
Then I'm happy you liked it that much. :)
Reply
:iconqueebi:
Queebi Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012
This is a very interesting format. Almost poetry, with the way you split it up and the rhythm of it. Abstract prose. Heh. The story had a great evolution, though I kind of wondered how close Erik was to that family if the sister were able to look at him while hugging the girl. Anyway, it had a poetic flow, which is great, because you always seem to have themes hidden within obvious themes. I enjoy how you never really give us too much information, make us fill in the blanks.

This is a great piece. Thanks for sharing.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Writer
A friend of mine who read this thought that Erik was their brother, but he isn't. Just a good family friend. And really? This kind of just...came together. My biggest fear was that it wouldn't flow, but it's good to know that it did. And you're most welcome, thank you for your review!
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:iconcrystalookami:
CrystalOokami Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow...
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Writer
I seem to have gotten this reaction from a handful of people. :o
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:iconshawtymanex42:
shawtymanex42 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012
For years, you used to ask me what you were to me.

And I would always say, "Nothing," until you finally understood that there was nothing you could do that could ever hurt me.

That line. I don't know man, it just made me want to read it over and over, because I don't know how, but I felt like I could relate to it, and that's powerful stuff dude. First of all, I felt that Erik was kind of like the victim, that the girl in question was leading him along, whatever. But then as the story got on, I was like, wait Erik must be the bad guy in all this. Even though he was, I still felt really sorry for him. But this was awesome, I love this kind of style you got going on. It's really meaningful, more meaningful than big, chunky paragraphs can express (like me). It just packs a punch and when you read one line, you want to read it over and over again. It's awesome that you can make me want to do that!

Again, I love it! :iconilavplz:
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Writer
Nice to see I grabbed your attention right from the beginning!

To be quite honest, how I originally intended to write this piece isn't even how it ended up being. I took a sentence that I liked, and just kind of started to write around it. The idea just really evolved, and right underneath me, y'know? But I liked it, and it seems a lot of people did, too. So thank you for that. :D But yeah, I've been working more toward conciseness to convey emotions and plot. Seems much more powerful to me. And yes, it's very awesome, and I'm so happy you were so captured by this!

Thank you! <3
Reply
:iconshawtymanex42:
shawtymanex42 Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012
And that's good! because my attention span is not the greatest!

I love that. Writing something off the bat and then liking what you got going all the way through. That's one of the best ways to write, in my opinion. It's so awesome and powerful brahh, I really liked it!

No problem! <3
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Writer
Oh really? ADHD? Or just general hilarity? =P

That happened with Isolated Incident (I can't stop mentioning this story, homygod.) I started with the idea of Kyle involved in a school shooting last May, then when I sat down to finally write it in July, it literally just evolved. I had no idea where I was going to go with it or what was going to happen, and it just sort of formed. I was on autopilot half the story, and it's unquestionably one of my best. I really hope to do more stuff like that again this summer. And aww, thanks again! I'm so glad you liked it, seriouslah.
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:iconshawtymanex42:
shawtymanex42 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012
Haha, general hilarity, I'm the least likely person to have ADHD, I think as I'm getting older, I need things to instantly grab my attention!

I think that's what's going on with what I'm currently writing. Usually when I write, I have notes that say, this happens and then this happens... and I have details and stuff written next to them. And I kind of like writing that way, because it keeps me focused but allows me to edit a few things and broaden my ideas. But now I'm just writing whatever comes to mind and having a sudden burst of inspiration of what to write next. Which I think is currently serving me well.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012   Writer
I've noticed that for me, especially as I've aged. The insanity of my past friends is no longer as appealing as it was; I'm definitely not all grown up yet - nor will I claim to be - but even my father and brothers will tell you that I matured a lot faster than most kids my age. I don't know if that's your case, but it sure is mine.

It is serving you well! That's for sure. I've been writing for so long now, and only very recently started to get some sort of palpable skill at it, and what it's taught me is never prepare for what you can't prepare for. Be a hippie and just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens. My mother tried to plan her life and she was always crippled by her own self-inflicted stress because of it. She was part of the reason why I'm a perfectionist today, and why I never really plan unless I feel it will help something.
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:iconshawtymanex42:
shawtymanex42 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2012
I know where you're coming from. It's scary how much I've changed in the space of two years, hell how all my friends have changed, it's bizzare. Yeah, my parents have always said that I've always been more mature, not in the sense that I act way too old for my years, which I don't think I do, but I just cope with things in a more level headed way than most kids my age did.

Thank you! I really do believe that the best ideas just come out of nowhere, when you're writing and then you come up with something in the moment and read back and think "dude..." xDD. My friend is exactly the same, she's obsessive with routine and things in her life that it's quite scary to see. She also has a crippiling fear of failure, worse than most people who get quite panicked about failing, she's on meds to cope with it, I think... it's sad to feel so restricted.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012   Writer
You're probably one of the most level headed people I've ever met on here, I can definitely say that. =P And I especially love how people get offended when I try to handle things maturely, and call me an arrogant bitch because of it. Because I have self-respect and dignity, I must be so full of myself, huh? I've been called self-centered for not giving a friend of mine some of my food one day at lunch - since I obviously serve as an ATM for everybody to just keep taking from. Shit like that makes me feel old even though I'm absolutely not.

The two most recent stories I put on here? I wrote them both in their entirety in the course of maybe an hour and a half each. It's spontaneous and an awesome thing to have. And yes, I've often reacted with "dude..." haha. And that's called OCD, when somebody can suffer panic attack from the thought of failure. I should know - both my grandmother and her sister suffered from it, and I think they may have passed it down to my sister. She's the same way; she gets judged constantly by the people around here, and has this impossible image of perfection in her head that she busts her ass to work toward. She'll be going off to a university next year, and just watching her struggle is heartbreaking.
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(1 Reply)
:iconshyanne-kai:
Shyanne-Kai Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012
This has excellent pacing, especially with the slow reveal of what Erik is really like. The contrasts at the beginning of showing his life and her destroying all traces of this is really good - at first it feels as though she is playing with his mind. Until the end.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Writer
Thank you for your kind words. :heart: As the title suggested, the aim of this piece was to convey an enormous amount of change between the two of them. And I'm very pleased to see you caught that. :)
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