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Literature by Pariahyuuki2

Literature by newsiesfanforever


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Submitted on
July 30, 2013
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    i.


there’s a monster inside of my head.

it moved in four years ago, but they say it’s always been there. my daddy has one. so does his mom.

they say that’s where i got it. dad says grammy’s monster made her beat him until he was seven. dad says his monster made him drink until he blacked out, for twenty years.

they all say, “don’t let it in.” they all say, “it’ll control you, because you are weak.”

(actually, they say “vulnerable.”)

they tell me its name, so i can paint it on my wrists, on my forehead, along the curves of my ears. keep out. no BIPOLAR DISORDER allowed. they say it notices loud things. capital letters, for one. or crying children. or hatred. or fear.

they do not tell me what it’s like to see it. they do not tell me what’s it like, to feel it burrowing under your skin.

when it came to me, i pleaded with it. i said, “please go away,” and it didn’t listen.

but i never even opened the fucking door. it just let itself in. and it dried its feet, and it smiled, and it said

“i’ve been waiting for you forever.”



    ii.


viruses are very single-minded. they’re a very clean thing that make you very dirty.

they do not like lines. they do not barriers, or a dichotomy. they like consumption. unity.

they say my monster wants to devour me. but it doesn’t like my little round pills, that come in pink and white. it doesn’t like the physiatrists; it doesn’t like hospitals and lithium and the business card in my wallet, with the phone number that can save me if i feel wrong.

it tries to trick me, but only at night. it’s smart. it tells me things: it says, “you don’t need it.” it says, “you’re all better.” it takes my hands, and it says, “you can skip it today, and tomorrow. or forever.”

i’m an oak leaf, trembling on a branch, and my monster – it’s the ground; where i’ll land, when i fall. where i’m stepped on by careless feet, broken apart.

(maybe somebody will take my bones, and press them into the pages of a book. maybe they will label it crazy dead girl. i can only hope.)

because i’m icarus, and my monster – bipolar disorder, is the sea. waiting.

to swallow me up.
There came a point when Harry stopped trying to fight back, when the blows from the monster were too strong, too many, too fast, when he began begging the monster to stop.

Never invisible again”, the monster said, finally letting up, its huge branch-like fists curled tight as a clap of thunder.

It turned to Conor.

But there are worse things than being invisible”, it said.


– Patrick Ness, “A Monster Calls”


edit: Featured here!
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:iconohineedtea:
OHiNeedTea Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014   Writer
Hello! I'm here on behalf of :icongrammarnazicritiques:!

So, i found this a very interesting piece. I like the simplicity, although as a reader i found the dodgy paragraphing and lack of capital letters a bit annoying. 

I like the message portrayed in the first part, and at the end of the second part, but i think it sort of falls apart in the second part to be honest. It didn't gel very well for me. I failed to make the connection with the viruses, and it sort of confused me when i first started reading -- i mean, are you suggesting that bipolar is like a virus. Surely not...? 

You start to bring it back after that, but i'm sort of already gone. 
". where i’m stepped on by careless feet, broken apart.

(maybe somebody will take my bones, and press them into the pages of a book. maybe they will label it crazy dead girl. i can only hope.)"

This doesn't work for me either. I feel like you take us a way from the point, which really weakens that last line. 

"they do not tell me what’s it like" -- should be "what it's like"

"but i never " -- 
I don’t know why you need the word “but” here. “but” signifies opposition, and this sentence doesn’t oppose the previous one.


"physiatrists" -- do you mean psychiatrists? 

Apart from that, i thought the piece was really interesting. Well done, and keep up the writing!


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:iconsyguy2013:
SyGuy2013 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I have not yet read this, but I am faving it so that I can clean out my envelope as it is in the thousands. I will read this when I can. If I like it, I will keep it faved, and let you know.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013   Writer
Alright. I look forward to what you have to say.
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:iconsyguy2013:
SyGuy2013 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry that it took me so long to read this!

I enjoyed the imagery that this poem evoked in my mind. Even though I myself am not bipolar, I do agree that it is a 'monster', and that it feels like you're drowning. Last year I found out that someone in my life is bipolar.
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:iconbananashroom:
bananashroom Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Student General Artist
wow... that is a really powerfull poem.... just got goosebumps all over reading the end....
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013   Writer
Thank you. :heart:
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:iconbananashroom:
bananashroom Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2013  Student General Artist
No problem :)
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:iconshakes8:
shakes8 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013  Student General Artist
That is powerful piece, and it is gorgeous.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013   Writer
Thank you. :love:
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:iconshakes8:
shakes8 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Student General Artist
You're welcome!
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