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eight

    I told my brother I was going to be a fairy when I grew up. Or a bird, or sprite – something with wings so I could touch the clouds. I learned that fairies weren't real when I was six, after I tried to jump off a parking structure to see if I could fly. That day I also broke my leg in three places and saw an angel's face in the clouds. (And don't tell anybody, but sometimes I spend all day looking for him.)




seven

    My neighbors back in Denver had a son who was a schizophrenic. After he went off his meds for the third time, he painted the windows red and told his wife she had to abort their baby because it wasn't human. A year later, I heard that he was arrested after pointing a hunting rifle on his family. It was loaded, but he didn't pull the trigger because his mother said she trusted him. I guess love is kind of like that, too.




six

    Seattle didn't come until I was fifteen, in October. My family and I took a boat ride on Friday. We listened to the captain in the speakers telling us how he'd lost his daughter in an ocean storm. He said, "Sometimes when it rains, I'll add a little of my own water." After we docked, my father held my hand for the rest of that day. And, even if the rain on his face was by itself, it still breaks my heart.




five

    Until I took my first year of Spanish, I would make two dozen paper cranes every August for my mother's birthday. Then my new professor found me folding the class syllabus on the second week of school. "Is this an art course?" she asked a question with no answer, pinching a paper wing between her fingers. When I told her it was for my mother, she tore it up and the pieces fell on my desk. She told me to throw them out, but I didn't. Instead I sat there, closing my eyes to tears, and waited for the punishment to end. I'm still waiting.




four

    My mother knew that something wasn't right long before my father. But as soon as she said my name with "hospital", he said hers with "neglect," and their shouting was the tattoo inside my head.   But they weren't the reason I stayed up for days. Because it's just that, sleeping is really hard when you can't stop crying.




three

    I grew up afraid I wouldn't know how to kiss. I thought that, if you fix a broken boy, then you wouldn't have to know because he'd teach you and love you. The first boy I kissed pushed me into a bike rack when I tried to ask him out. The first boy I fixed took one summer to forget I ever existed, after I was convinced we would marry. So instead of learning how to kiss, my father said in litany that I should be grateful for learning early that you can't trust everyone. All I learned was that there's more than one way to feel pain.




two

    We were maybe five or six, but they still hated me, maybe because I was new. Or blond with blue eyes. Or I tried too hard when they cornered me on the playground; when they told me to fight and I still got punched. Or maybe I just talked too much. Maybe, when talking wasn't enough and I had to scream, I shouldn't have. Maybe I shouldn't have tried, either. Actually – come to think of it, I really didn't. The nose splint and this memory still in my head say that I didn't try enough.




one

    And maybe. The truth is – I was only screaming because nobody ever listened.
If dA allowed longer titles, I also could have called this:
eight things about growing up that weren't so great.
eight things about growing up that could have easily ruined my childhood.
eight things about growing up that I wish never happened.
eight things about growing up that define me (I'm still trying to figure out if that's good or bad.


And yes, it's non-fiction. Be gentle.
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:iconepiphanyblue:
EpiphanyBlue Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014

Six touched my heart. Five tore it. Four made an echo, and to be honest I was glad that three didn't, especially as I realized how easily it could have.

Each one is a work of art on its own. Eight alone is fantastic, and yet-

The point is. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. You really are amazing.

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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014   Writer
:love: Thank you for reading. And thank you for your touching words. 
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:icongingerbookworm985:
GingerBookworm985 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I know you're probably tired of hearing this, but I am sorry. I know that we're probably a thousand miles away and I will never see you in real life, but I am soooo sorry I wasn't there to help you.
On a lighter note, this piece is amazingly written and it's wonderful... I've read most of your other pieces and you are a wonderful writer. I love this.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013   Writer
No, it's alright. Thank you. :iconsadhugplz: I appreciate that.
And I'm glad you like it. <3
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:iconpastmisfortunes:
PastMisfortunes Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I really like this. I believe I've commented on this already. But after reading it again, months later, I kind of see it differently.
Eight things about growing up? These things didn't make up your childhood, did they? They were just things that happened.
And things happen to all of us--or rather, life. I believe I said that too. But there are so many more moments than just these, the good things are there too. If you close one eye to block of half of the world's bad things, you block out half the good, if that makes any sense.
I challenge you to this: Write about eight good things about growing up. I probably sound naive and annoying, but just try it. You may be surprised.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2013   Writer
I appreciate that notion. And believe me, good things definitely happened to me growing up. But it feels like these moments defined me the most. Happiness is pleasant and important and believe me, it wouldn't be that hard to write a piece about eight good things that happened. I suppose my aim with this story was more to show struggles of growing up, how it's hard but you can still survive it somehow.
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your wonderful work has been featured in my journal: [link] :heart:
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013   Writer
*screams* Thank you so much!! :squee:
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:iconthelastperformer:
thelastperformer Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
All of your writing is just so omg D;

I'm sorry that all these things happened to you. In the very least, it's made you a great writer. (Or given you great subject matter, I'm not sure which.)
Segment 7 just breaks my heart.

It's hard for me to say I like this, because of all of the painful things in it, but I do like it as literature
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012   Writer
I used to think that I thought too much and clung to hard to every tiny little detail. Now I realize that they make for great stories.

Thank you very much.
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:iconsvenspade09:
svenspade09 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012
I wish I could say I knew how you felt so I could be a shoulder to cry on or a ear to Listen when needed but I don't I haven't lived your life but hope that maybe someday you'll find that face in the clouds here on earth and know happiness because your Deserving.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012   Writer
I'm definitely trying.
Thank you.
Reply
:iconrogerthejolly:
Rogerthejolly Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012
I understand, because I have been through similar things in my life.
Life doesn't get easier for people like us, we get tougher, and then one day we find someone that can make us smile.

Life is like bridge, if you want to win, you have to be vulnerable.

Best of luck soul-sister, it is doable.
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012   Writer
Thank you very much, dear. :hug:
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:iconindecisiveiam8888:
indecisiveiam8888 Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I absolutely love your writing style, it speaks to me in a way few things can, and I feel like I understand you, even though i know I don't. thank you :)
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012   Writer
Maybe you do. :heart: I have a feeling I'm not alone in the way I feel.
You're so welcome.
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:iconbrightbluewindwitch:
BrightBlueWindWitch Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Student General Artist
This is the kind of thing that just... flattens you reading it. It's amazing how full of sincerity it is, and it makes me want to say something equally profound and hopefully that will make you feel better, but I never quite seem to manage it. Just wow.

I try to write like this sometimes...bad things happen.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012   Writer
Honestly, it took three months to write this piece and put my words together until they sort of made sense. A lot of my writing is like that, I think.
It was hard, so I understand. But thank you for your review, it means so much. <3
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:iconbrightbluewindwitch:
BrightBlueWindWitch Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Student General Artist
You're welcome :D
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:iconbek1995:
BEK1995 Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. That was incredible!
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012   Writer
:D Thanks!
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:iconforeverisgone13:
ForeverisGone13 Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012
Your writing is very honest and I'm kind of stunned in that "no-words-could-possibly-explain-way". The first sentence hooked me instantly, I think especially because it reminded me of myself. You're a phenomenal writer and again, I'm speechless.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012   Writer
Oh goodness, thank you so much for that. :love:
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:iconlivinittothemaxx:
livinittothemaxx Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Student General Artist
beautifully heartbreaking, and packed with raw emotion. you are truly gifted.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012   Writer
And you leave lovely reviews. :heart: Thank you so much.
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:iconlivinittothemaxx:
livinittothemaxx Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Student General Artist
no problem. :D
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your wonderful work has been featured in my journal: [link]
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012   Writer
:D Gah, that's so nice of you!
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:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012   General Artist
Ah, you really know how to get your feelings across, sweetheart. This was an absolute treasure to find and read:heart:
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012   Writer
Thank you so much, it means a lot. :love:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012   General Artist
You are most welcome indeed. :tighthug:
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:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ouch.
it's beautiful.
excruciating.
but beautiful.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012   Writer
Thank you. :heart: That was my intention, more or less.
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:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
it's well done. <3
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you are so beautiful :heart:
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012   Writer
Same to you, dear. :heart:
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:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012   General Artist
:tears: . . . this was a :heartbreaker: . . .:sadangel: . . . :bonk: . . . and still you :mangapunksai:

this rocks!
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012   Writer
Thank you. :D
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:iconw-o-a-nderer:
w-o-a-nderer Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
Wow - this is beautiful. So sad but so beautiful. And hopeful despite it all.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012   Writer
Thank you very much. <3
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Actually... I prefer the original title. The rest feel a bit out of place. But the work itself was beautiful. I loved the way you expressed these things and at times the expressions that you used. The beginning was really good and it keeps a person reading till the end. The part over kissing was also beautiful. I feel sad about you but then again your father was right in that you can't trust everyone and you were right in knowing that there is more than one way of getting hurt.

I hope you are coping well since nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so. I am grateful to a guy who made 5 years of my life a miserable mess since I am extremely calm after that. But it takes time to get used to pain and realize that it is life. If you have had so many experiences than you probably can get much easier in the life ahead. I hope you find trustworthy people to help you out :D I didn't have any... but I managed :love:
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012   Writer
I've worked on it, and I think that I'm surrounded by people I'll be keeping for a long time.

Also, thank you. Your reviews always make me smile.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are weclome :nod: I am glad I can produce that effect for you :heart:
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:iconarcoiris-gato:
ArcoIris-Gato Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this :heart:
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012   Writer
As do I. :heart:
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:iconrainyskyz:
RainySkyz Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012   Writer
"Excellent!" said gently. "Oh, and also..." :clap:
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012   Writer
:bow: Thanks!
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:iconshawtymanex42:
shawtymanex42 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
You do not know how much I've missed reading your pieces. Truly, they're so powerful and emotional, every sentence is so beautiful and intense. Wonderful. All I can say now is, fuck you're awesome :heart:
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012   Writer
Aww, thank you, my lovely. (Now I really think I should review "Lithium," huh...?)
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