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July 25, 2012
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      I'd like to count the number of times you fucked me over, but I only have ten fingers and toes.



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    I never mentioned this but I really should have. Because it was so hard that you were blowing me off, especially after the third/fourth/fifth/fourteenth time. Or in September, when your eyes could look everywhere but mine – when I finally stopped telling you, because I knew you weren't listening. Oh, and you killing yourself last April. There's that. (Your note said: "Tell Scarlett I'm sorry." And oh God, Charlie, please believe me, I tried so hard to make it right, I did.)



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    Fourteen days, two hours, and fifty-nine minutes: how long it took for us to fall in love. Overnight: how long it took for you to fall out of it. You loved me like a bomb loves a crowd. Like the boys mothers warn their little girls about, except you had softer hands and nicer eyes, so I never thought you could take everything when you left.



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    You wouldn't have come to me in January if our parents weren't such good friends; but they were, and they also didn't know, so you finally consoled me per their request. "Come on, Scarlett. Everybody's really worried about you." "But you're not." You tried to set your jaw, because you only had twenty-eight teeth and sometimes they didn't sit right. "…Sure." "Sure," I mocked, and slammed the door in your face. I shut you out, Charlie. Just like you did to me.



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    I didn't cry when you finally walked away. By then, I was already so used to pain that I just closed my eyes, counted down from ten, and let you go.



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    The funny thing is, they were asking me the same questions I was asking myself. But whatever happened to "I never wanted to hurt you", whatever happened to every promise you couldn't keep, I didn't know. "They're dead," I finally told my brother, after the third week. And his face, it just broke. He wanted so hard to understand and so did I. Thus I never told him that your promises didn't die with you; they just didn't exist.



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    On exactly six different occasions, I would argue, "But you said…" Even if you'd said so much – even if none of it was ever true and they were just words. "I can't," was the only thing you were saying, after a while. Exactly once, I asked you, to please tell me, please? But you just kept falling back, and back, each step I took – seven – until there were tears in my eyes and absolutely nothing in yours. "Please," I whispered, one last time. And it wasn't a question. I already knew the answer.



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    I like butter on both sides of toast, the smell of new books, and learning about model cars. And I never thought I'd meet somebody who not only knew how to put every Revell kit together, but who also knew how to hide tears in your pockets, and how to stop counting because life was too short for that. You taught me how to enjoy the moment while it lasted, because every good thing had to come to an end, even ours. Especially ours.



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      P.S. I'm sorry, too.
because I can't fall that hard ever again.

The last time I fell down, it was a hardwood floor, and both of my knees turned red, then purple, then me-coloured.

I wish it was that easy: red, then purple, then normal. Rinse and repeat.
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:icontheinvisble:
TheInvisble Jul 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wait I'm confused. I though your name was Katie.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
It is.
I have this bad habit of naming my characters after people I know (I'm not terribly creative.)
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:icontheinvisble:
TheInvisble Jul 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wait so your ex Charlie didn't kill himself? And that wasn't about you too?
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
No. He's alive and well; we made amends and are actually good friends now.
This is completely fictional. It says so in the category line:
"Literature / Prose / Fiction / General Fiction / Short Stories"
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:icontheinvisble:
TheInvisble Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
OH yeah! Okay. Thanks. I just got worried for a sec. I get way to involved in other peoples lives. Sorry.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
It's alright. I appreciate your concern; if he'd killed himself, I definitely wouldn't be writing about him.
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:iconloveyouharder:
"Come on, Scarlett. Everybody's really worried about you."
"But you're not."
That made me burst into tears. Like, immediately. I just feel how you described feeling and wow. That is an amazing talent.
Reply
:iconcolbalt-rain:
Making people cry is a strange talent to have.
But honestly, I'm just glad to know I'm not alone on feeling this way. Thank you. :heart:
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:iconsugapieissofly:
SugapieIsSoFly Aug 20, 2012  Student Filmographer
Wow, the line "You loved me like a bomb loves a crowd." really struck home for me, very vivid and intense. You always have such a good way with forming powerful phrases.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
Well I've been practicing. :D But yeah, that was probably one of, if not my favourite line in the whole thing.
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