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    When I was young, my virginity was sacred. Entire religions pray over it and my father bought a gun so long as it meant protecting it. We throw away half of our refrigerator each week – meanwhile, 24,000 people die of starvation every day. Hardest part is, sometimes wasting things can't be helped.





    At the bus stop, before I could drive, boys would ask for my phone number while I tugged up the neck of my shirt. Asked me how old I was while I crossed my legs under my skirt. I told them I had a boyfriend even when it wasn't true, because they'll always respect another man more than my disinterest.




    Hearing "I love you" for the first time is like getting hit by a train and only feeling the angel as they pull you up to Heaven.




    People who are manic can jump off roofs or sell their house to buyers who don't exist. For me, it was fucking six guys in four days and spending $150 in three. That wasn't good enough, though, so instead of help all I got was a smiley-face sticker and long, quiet car ride home.




    Whenever I drink before class in the library now, the librarian thinks I don't notice her watching. "Give her some room," she said last year, when I nearly passed out right before the bell. "I know these bipolar kids, caffeine can trigger them." I always liked that – "trigger." Like stress is a detonator. Loud noises are gunpowder. Coffee is a bullet and we're just too fucking nuts to realize that we're a gun. Meanwhile, I don't drink caffeine, or even coffee. I drink hot chocolate. And seeing her silent terror every morning would almost be funny if it didn't hurt so much.




    Todd stopped speaking to me when we turned seventeen. After I told him that I didn't want kids. I never told him that I loved kids. Or that I was bipolar. Or that I loved them enough to never give one a twenty-five percent chance of living with the same mistakes as I have.




    To that boy from tenth grade who held doors open for me: no, asking me to "go off lithium for a while" so you could fuck me is not gentlemanly.




    Last year in Poetry, for the final assessment we wrote down our biggest secrets, put them in a box, and buried them out on the school lawn. Most of it was drugs and sex and betrayal going into the ground like a bad soap opera. But mine wasn't. Mine was that I hated poetry. Life is confusing already without trying to figure out what red leaves mean, or why Robert Frost took the road less travelled (or, if I take it, if it's too late to make any difference at all.)




    An administrator at my high school used to offer to walk me to the cafeteria every day. He'd beg me to stay calm when the strawberry Pop-Tarts ran out, until I finally punched him in the face. Because helping me does not require an asterisk. My boyfriend loving me is not a fetish. My flaws don't make me beautiful – they just make me flawed. Being crazy isn't a fucking fashion statement.




    Also, maybe I don't hate poetry. These days I'm starting to appreciate those red leaves and Robert Frost. Because I've still got miles to go before I sleep.
My language gets saltier when lithium is around, apparently.

Writing stories that are half-true took a lot longer than I thought. But I really do hate poetry. Kind of.

I'm not sure what's more offensive to be honest.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-01-14
red leaves and Robert Frost. by ~colbalt-rain ( Suggested by veddabredda and Featured by neurotype )
:iconthat1personyouforgot:
That1PersonYouForgot Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, this took my breath away, wonderful job! :clap: I could feel all those bitter emotions. Just... Wow! :heart:
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:iconliving-in-his-head:
living-in-his-head Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014
This is one of the most beautiful pieces I've ever read.
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:iconhollowsunsets:
HollowSunsets Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014
This is honestly one of the most powerful and compelling pieces of poetry I have ever read. I wish more people could read this. 
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014   Writer
Thank you. :heart: It's definitely one of my favorites. 
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:iconme2smart4u:
Me2Smart4U Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Student Digital Artist
WOW...The emotions within this poem is strong and very powerful. The contrast of this piece sets the mood for the whole poem for it engages me as the reader to deeply feel the true emotions expressed...I really enjoyed the creative flow of words and ideas painted.:headbang:
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much! :love:
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:iconme2smart4u:
Me2Smart4U Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Student Digital Artist
most welcome:hug:
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:iconcipher-devy:
Cipher-Devy Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013
I love your method of writing and especially how honest you are - you don't try to justify or sugar coat what you perceive as your flaws and that actually makes it feel more real and for some reason, flows nicer in my head; I'm sure this makes nooo sense but you get the idea of what I'm saying >.>
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2013   Writer
I do, and thank you. :hug: I'm glad you liked it.
Reply
:iconacolorfulshadow:
AColorfulShadow Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I read this poem a while back and I'm glad I found it again. The effect is still the same. Your words are amazing.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013   Writer
Thank you! :D
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:iconautumn-spirit:
autumn-spirit Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013
very intense..
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013   Writer
:heart:
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Professional Writer
The title caught me. The raw sincerity held me.

Congratulations on a very well-deserved DD.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013   Writer
:heart: Thank you so much!
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Professional Writer
My pleasure.
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:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is absolutely gorgeous.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013   Writer
Thank you. <3
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:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure!
Reply
:iconimmortalchild06:
ImmortalChild06 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Wow that's amazing!
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconterminallyabashed:
TerminallyAbashed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013   Writer
I also think it makes you lovable
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013   Writer
That's an interesting perspective. I don't see it that way, personally.
Reply
:iconterminallyabashed:
TerminallyAbashed Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013   Writer
You have to work harder to truly love the person for how they are. Once you do, you love them more than anything.
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:iconterminallyabashed:
TerminallyAbashed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013   Writer
My brother is Bi-polar. It's hard living with, it takes a lot of understanding to love it. But it doesn't make a person less lovable. Liked this a lot.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013   Writer
I understand.
And thank you very much. :3
Reply
:iconsigma-echo-seven:
Sigma-Echo-Seven Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
Every last line here was flawless. If only I could write with such abject purity. Well done.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013   Writer
:blush: Thank you!
Reply
:iconbananamuffinchick:
bananamuffinchick Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
When I first started to read this, I hoped that it would be long, at least long enough to keep me entertained for a while. Despite its length, I have a feeling this won't leave me any time soon. What's entertainment without meaning?

This is amazing. Good job =)
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013   Writer
Oh my gosh, thank you so much. :heart:
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:iconbananamuffinchick:
bananamuffinchick Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
Of course =)
Keep up the amazing work.
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:iconambreechristineskye:
AmbreeChristineSkye Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
Really well written.
I'd like to mention a possible typo- "like getting hit by a train and only feeling the angel* as they pull you up to Heaven." I think you may have meant angels*, if you're like me then you are already aware of this so I hope I didn't offend you, if you didn't know I hope I helped.
I really like art like this, that depicts life and events and illnesses as they are, and doesn't try to glorify them. Really well done and deserving of a DD. Congrats.
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:iconsheep-effect26:
Sheep-Effect26 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I dated a bipolar women briefly. I wont again. She dumped me. I still dont know why. le sigh
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013   Writer
It's a tough disorder. </3
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:iconsheep-effect26:
Sheep-Effect26 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I wanted to help. I was pushed away. It really is tough.
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:iconthatfoxfacedbastard:
thatfoxfacedbastard Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Sometimes I wish I could write things like this and post them up, but for me they tend to end up being too long and rambly by the end. No one wants to listen for that long.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013   Writer
Don't give up. Believe me, there are times I believe I'm a mediocre writer.
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:iconlady-mystiana:
Lady-Mystiana Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
I am rather speechless.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013   Writer
:love: Thank you!
Reply
:iconlady-mystiana:
Lady-Mystiana Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
*smiles*
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:icongmyumil:
GMYumil Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
This is just... the most beautiful piece of writing I've ever seen on deviantart. I'm actually crying, it's that touching.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013   Writer
That's so wonderful, thank you.
Reply
:iconmitsukaiten:
Mitsukaiten Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I liked this a lot. It was really beautiful, even if you do hate poetry.
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013   Writer
Oh man, thank you so much.
Reply
:iconowen-c:
owen-c Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
I never read or liked a piece of writing on this site before but I thought this was rather sweet
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013   Writer
Thank you!!
Reply
:iconvulture-of-style:
Vulture-of-Style Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
Disinterested and uninterested are NOT synonyms. They mean totally different things.
Reply
:icontamethedragon:
TameTheDragon Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I rarely ever check out the DDs, but something told me to check out yours. Definitely worthy and powerful. Those are the only words I can find to say how I feel about this. ^_^;
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:iconcolbalt-rain:
colbalt-rain Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013   Writer
:D Thanks!
Reply
:iconvulture-of-style:
Vulture-of-Style Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
This might help: [link]
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